Childhood Fears...Adult Nonesense!

There is a new show on the History channel called UFO hunters. I am watching it while I post. I can't believe the seriousness people show towards UFOs. Personally, I am not a believer in little green men or white beings with bulbous heads and huge black pearly eyes. But that wasn't always the case.

As a small child I was terribly afraid of them. I had nightmares of aliens that would rival the horrer movies on television. I had a very vivid imagination. I blame it all on my parents for watching X files and other alien movies. Can you believe my Dad told me about his own UFO experience....of seeing a fireball in the sky? Not to mention my Uncle who like all crazy Uncle's that are cross-country truck drivers had a few stories.

It got so bad....that when my My cousin bought me a little glow in the dark alien with blue sparkly eyes .... I kept it locked securely in a box in my dressor, because it frightened me. Oh how the tables have turned! Now I am a critical skeptic...that would find it hard to believe even if I saw one myself. Yet...am I truly honest with my self...to date the only three alien movies I have seen are Tommyknockers...Signs...and The War of the Worlds....

Honey, you belong in the kitchen with a baby on your hip....

I will not allow double standards, stereotypes, or backward thinking exist in my world any longer. I am sick and tired of being seen as an incapable female. To any man or woman out there who believes women should be mothers and daughters and allow the Patriarchy to rule the world...THE TIME WHEN THAT EXISTED IS OVER...GET OVER IT! I am a woman and I am just as capable as any man. I am sorry for who this might offend, but I can't stand the thought that women are only equal to men part of the time. My Mother and Sister just finished explaining to me how a woman could not be president due to the fact that they are "emotionally unstable" What are they saying? How can they say that? So I am less than a man and can not ever be president, a CEO, a international leader...I will always be subordinate and ruled over by men because women were made different and think with their hearts? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I will not be defined by the fact that I am able to bear children...that fact doesn't change my intelligence, level of stability, logical or critical thinking ability or incapacitate me as a human being. It drives me insane that in the world of today...under my roof...there are intelligent women who are okay with saying they deserve less pay...deserve less respect. HOW?.....I can't go on....I better stop now...PLEASE....Look around and Listen to reason, Women are Equal and not just on paper, I am not less stable than a man, I have the ability to lead, live and think at the same level as any man! Understand, I am not man bashing...I am simply stating that there are several successful woman that lead countries such as The president of Finland, Bhutto from Pakistan, Madeline Albright, Janet Reno, Margaret Thatcher....and many more...they served their countries as well as any man. Women and Men share the same abilities one is not the stronger sex. Men and Women are different nature vs. nurture...but the differences are not so big that it should serve to force a label of "emotionally unstable."

1st Day Of School

Like a blank page, the new school year starts...with felt tipped colored markers for notes to keep the mind awake, colored folders for classes so papers don't take trips and notebooks for more notes so the notes stay together for the long haul. Tomorrow marks the first day of my last year of my Bachelor degree. Its somewhat disturbing and liberating at the same time. I have worked so hard to reach this point, yet I am waiting for something to go wrong. Some requirement forgotten, some class misplaced, money not paid, papers missing signatures. The anxiety of the last year rivals that I felt the first year. I wonder if....I have planned, saved and done all that needs to be done. I pray that I have, this last year will be the hardest, squeezing in the last general education, checking transcripts, grad checks, getting approval for AP Exams. I pray that I find refuge from the stress that I feel now. Uniquely I am very excited over the prospect of Irish History, Religion and Moral Choice, Archeology, and Profiling Violence....Powers above, give me strength and fortitude to continue and succeed. Goodnight cyberspace, I want to be rested for my early morning commute of an hour. Give me one morning of no traffic, hot Starbucks Nonfat 1 pump mocha, extra shot and a 7-grain bran muffin....Welcome the Fall, a new school year begins...only 1 month till my 21st birthday!

Help!!!!!!!!

I don't have a little brother...or I didn't until about a month ago. Surprisingly my parents aren't having another baby, they didn't adopt, they aren't foster parents. This little brother adopted me. Actually my cousin his parents are going through a divorce. He bugs me until I want to pull out my own hair. Lets refer to him as V.F. He is a little crazy, there can be no other explanation, every time I go anywhere he stows away some how one way or another. Inside the store he tells everyone he is my little brother and does the most embarrassing things. He told one clerk that I was his mother and he didn't want to be left alone again.....take a deep breath and count to ten.

I wonder what goes through the boys mind. No he isn't five he is fifteen. Yes, I am serious...he is like a human garbage disposal that talks non-stop 24/7. He is really cute...when he is asleep. He is kinda like a puppy he needs lots of loving care, attention and looking after. You must feed, water and make sure he goes to the bathroom frequently. When he needs attention he pelts me with a pillow, bites my arm, pinches me, throws a book at me.....1...2...3....I try to be a controlled person. I am 20 years old...I shouldn't be pillow fighting with a fifteen year old boy. Yet, that is what he wants...he wants attention focused one on one attention. You have to be careful because you never know what is going to come out of his mouth. He would tell a bad joke to a nun, (he has tried).

His latest stunt: 3:00pm today I get this call on my cell phone, "please come pick me up, please these Mexican boys are going to beat me up, they are waiting outside of the library...please" I'm thinking gosh, what did you do to them...but I promise to come get him. I drive all the way to the library about 23 miles. Pick him up taking him to get a slushee so we can talk. V. F. tells me this long story: "I was walking down the hallway and these 4 Mexican kids asked me @!!$%^ ( a colorful expletive) what are you staring at, so I said You fagots... "

My mind is racing....1...2...3...oh my gosh, what is wrong this boy. Didn't his parents teach him that first of all not all Hispanics are Mexicans and secondly that fagot is a bundle of small sticks not a group of angry little boys, furthermore not an appropriate way to respond to people? I was about to preach to him about his wrongs when he twists his face into a huge clown face smile saying in a voice as sweet as honey, "I made this all up to get a ride home so I didn't have to take the bus." 1....34....67....100...My face turns three shades of red, what could I do, tell him the story of the boy who cried wolf? Something tells me that it wouldn't make an impact unless the the boy was a rapping kangaroo and the wolf a gangbanger Lion.

Honestly, if anyone has any suggestions on how to keep your temper and enrich the life of an attention starved fifteen year old boy who needs a friend to talk to...offer them up. I need all the help I can get. I am not a saint and I am too old to learn new tricks...but I'm willing to give it a try.